When people think about a heavy drinker, they don’t always think about the ripple effect being a heavy drinker has on their family and loved ones. They don’t think or wonder what it must be like to live with someone who misuses alcohol. At Aquarius, we know that the impact is devastating and has a lasting effect on generations.
Recently, a young person in one of our services asked me if we needed to help his dad to stop drinking. A strange question, you may think – I mean of course we would want to help him stop drinking. For this young person though, it was more complicated. There was real fear about what stopping his dad’s drinking may mean. What if he started fitting? What if he became angry or really sad? How would his dad manage his stress without a drink? Stopping drinking was not the end but the start of a long and complicated story for not only the dad, but also his son.
At Aquarius we have services that support young people and families affected by a loved one’s substance misuse. We help to support, empower, and enable them to have a choice. The impact on young people in particular can take multiple forms, but a common one we see is a child becoming a young carer – helping to get younger siblings to school, cooking, cleaning and taking on an adult role. Really, these young people should be embracing their childhood and having fun.
Children often desperately want their parent to stop drinking. They want to feel more valued and more important than the bottle. However, they are often anxious about what their parent’s journey of recovery will look like for them.
Recently I attended a group session with some of our kinship carers – family members who have taken on the care of their siblings, grandchildren, and family members.
One Grandmother stated, “I pray every day that tomorrow will be different, that they will realise what they are missing and how beautiful their daughter is, but they don’t see it.”
Another member shared their story of caring for their nephews, “I needed to keep them safe. I didn’t want them to go into care but I had to give up my career. My marriage broke down and my life changed. I don’t regret the choice, but I wish I had more support, financially and emotionally.”
When listening to family members, we realise the pain and impact caused by alcohol misuse is a harsh reality shared by many. For some family members this reality leads to the loss of a loved one, something that our workers within hospitals see regularly. Sadly, more families in the UK are experiencing this, with numbers of alcohol deaths on the rise. Those people who do lose a loved one to alcohol are often faced with feelings of shame and a sense of failure, which can leave people feeling very isolated. One mother shared her experience with me: “My son had always been vibrant and loved life, but he couldn’t stop drinking, it was just too hard. People think he should just have stopped, sometimes they dismiss me as if I shouldn’t be sad that he has gone because he died from alcohol, but my loss is real and I miss him every day.”
At Aquarius we support family members through this loss and bereavement. We recognise that there is still work to be done to support the family left behind from alcohol-related deaths.
Being the family member or loved one of someone who drinks heavily can be stressful. You may be worried and conflicted about what action to take and how best to support them. At Aquarius we believe that everyone has the ability to change and live a full life, and our services aim to support everyone on this journey. We help people to not only change their story, but also tell their story to others to inspire change and give hope. You may be thinking that you have exhausted every option but there is always hope. Whether you’re struggling from your own alcohol use or are impacted by the alcohol use of someone you love, we have found that having someone to talk to often helps. We are here to start that conversation with you at Aquarius.
