While grieving, Elizabeth noticed her relationship with alcohol changing. Find out how she used Dry January® to get things back on track.
*This story talks about cancer and loss which some readers might find upsetting.
My husband died in May 2022. He was diagnosed with cancer in 2017 and, after the first surgery and round of chemotherapy failed to stop the spread of the cancer, we knew that he would live for only a few more years. Despite preparing together for his death, I, honestly, could not imagine life without him. I was devastated when he died. It was as if my life had ended too.
My husband did not drink, but over Friday and Saturday evenings, I would drink a bottle of wine.
During our marriage, I had been a weekend drinker. My husband did not drink. But over Friday and Saturday evenings, I would drink a bottle of wine. A couple of glasses of wine on these evenings was my way of enjoying the weekend and taking a break from my stressful job. Even though my husband didn’t drink, early on in our relationship he took charge of buying me bottles of wine. Every weekend, we would open a bottle that he had purchased and do a taste test. If we thought it was a particularly good wine, he would go back to buy a dozen bottles. Over the years, we built up quite a wine cellar!
The evening my husband died, in the company of close family and friends, we opened a bottle of wine that my husband had bought me.
The evening my husband died, in the company of close family and friends, we opened some of the wine that my husband had bought me. But in the weeks that followed, I found myself reaching for more. Eventually, I was drinking two or three glasses of wine every evening I was home alone.
What had started as solace and connection to the person I cherished had become something else.
I was never much of a social drinker and would only occasionally have a drink if I was out with friends. For this reason, at first, I didn't think about how much I was drinking. The summer passed and in September, as the routine of life set in, I tried to moderate my drinking and found that I couldn’t. I had lots of wine in the house and, despite my resolve not to have a glass when I got home from work, I would find myself opening another bottle. As the months went by and the new year was approaching, I felt increasingly trapped. What had started as solace and connection to the person I cherished had become something else.
My friends and family did not know me as a drinker. I was too embarrassed to talk to them about how my drinking had become a problem for me.
I also felt ashamed and alone. My friends and family did not know me as a drinker. I was too embarrassed to talk to them about how my drinking had become a problem for me. I went searching online and came across the Try Dry app. I downloaded it and immediately signed up for Dry January. I had no idea if I could or would be successful, but I was ready and willing to try.
When I wanted to open a bottle and have a glass, I remembered my commitment, why I made it, and bring to mind all the other people who were doing Dry January – all of us who were with me breaking free and taking control of our drinking
I was successful in completing Dry January and staying dry every day. Waking up every morning to a daily email helped me start every day with a renewed commitment. The stories of others kept me motivated. There was always something in other people’s stories that I could relate to and that inspired me. When I wanted to open a bottle and have a glass, I remembered my commitment, why I made it, and bring to mind all the other people who were doing Dry January – all of us who were with me breaking free and taking control of our drinking. In tough moments, I would open the app. I always found something that would steady my resolve and keep me committed to staying dry. It wasn’t easy and, to be honest, I did count every day. Mid-way through January, I signed up for Sober Spring because I was not confident that I would be able maintain my newfound freedom on my own.
…I found other ways to cope with my loss and to connect to the enduring love I have for my husband
By the time Sober Spring started, I was also in counselling. Participating in Sober Spring - along with counselling – gave me a total of six months of of being alcohol-free during which time I found other ways to cope with my loss and to connect to the enduring love I have for my husband.
Thank you for Try Dry. You gave me what I needed to start the journey of recovery. While the loss of my husband is still very much a daily reality, now I feel it as it is and as I am. I am deeply grateful.
*Loss and bereavement can cause significant changes in our lives and can be a trigger for us drinking more. If you have experienced a loss or bereavement like Elizabeth, speak to your GP for advice and support. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy also has information and advice on its website, as well as a directory of counsellors near you. For further support with grief and loss, you can also call Cruse Bereavement Support’s free helpline on 0808 808 1677.
