Be a ‘real man’: look after yourself!

Andrew Misell | June 2021 | 9 minutes

14 to 21 June 2021 is Men’s Health Week, so in this blog Andrew Misell ponders how men can take care of themselves a bit better when it comes to alcohol, mental health and more.

The desire to “crack on” and “not make a fuss” is admirable sometimes. But there are times when it makes sense to take a pause, and check that we’re all OK. The week from 14 to 21 June is Men’s Health Week and it’s a chance to do just that: check that we’re alright, and do something about it if we’re not.

The theme for Men’s Health Week this year is ‘Men, Mental Health and COVID-19’. As we start tentatively to enter the post-pandemic world, lots of us are feeling anxious and stressed. As the organisers of Men’s Health Week say, “Everybody’s mental health has been challenged by the lockdowns and insecurities of the last year, and it’s not over.” But even before the pandemic, men’s mental health was a cause for concern. Around three-quarters of deaths by suicide in the UK are of men, but men are less likely than women to seek treatment for mental health problems.

So if men aren’t seeking support when struggling, what are we doing? Well, one way many of us try to deal with pain is to drink. Alcohol has been described as “favourite coping mechanism” in the UK, and it was hardly unexpected when we saw more people drinking to try to cope during the pandemic. But the trouble with drinking to cope is that it generally doesn’t help us cope. It may deliver a brief feeling of euphoria, but longer-term (as many of us will know from experience) it tends to lead to low mood, strained relationships, and sore heads! There are many other health risks too - and men accounted for two-thirds (66%) of the deaths caused by alcohol last year.

The trouble with drinking to cope is that it generally doesn’t help us cope. It may deliver a brief feeling of euphoria, but longer-term (as many of us will know from experience) it tends to lead to low mood, strained relationships, and sore heads! There are other health risks too.

If we’re honest with ourselves, many of us will admit that we often drink to fill gaps – to kill time, ease boredom, take the edge off things. What the organisers of Men’s Health Week are offering are some simple steps to fill those gaps in a more satisfying manner. They’ve set out their five suggested actions using the upbeat mnemonic CAN DO. And here they are:

C

Connect with other people. This feels more necessary than ever right now. Humans are social animals but most of us haven’t done much socialising for quite some time. Everyone likes a bit of peace and quiet, but being around other people is often what brings us alive.

A

Get Active. As well as being sociable, humans are built to be mobile (although these days we spend quite a lot of time sitting down). You don’t have to run a marathon or climb a mountain. You don’t have to do anything that looks like traditional “exercise” but your body and your brain will thank you for keeping moving.

N

And whilst you are moving about, it’s worth taking Notice of the world around you. It’s what some people call mindfulness (and you can buy all sorts of books on how to do it) but it’s really just about seeing and appreciating all the things that live and happen around us: from birds in the park to some random act of courtesy or kindness from a stranger.

D

Discover something new. Our brains are hardwired to seek out new experiences. As journalist Richard Friedman recently wrote about post-lockdown life, “If you’re ecstatic after a trip to the shops, it’s your brain thanking you for the novelty.” The cartoon that went with the article referenced the famous 1979 rat park experiment, in which lab rats who had plenty of interesting things to do had little interest in the drugs that scientists offered them.

O

Offer to do something for someone else. Sometimes the best way of looking after yourself is to get out of your own head and do something for someone else. That might be some kind of regular volunteering, or it might just be helping someone move a sofa.

One of the best-selling books of 1982 was a tongue-in-cheek volume called Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche: A Guidebook to All That is Truly Masculine. Quiche was considered a fancy metropolitan food at the time – to be contrasted with more ‘masculine’ meals like steak and hamburgers. It was perfect territory for some hilarious satire. Eating habits have changed a bit in the last forty years, but we probably still have a few old-fashioned notions about what men do and don’t do. One thing it really is time for real men to start doing is looking after themselves, including when it comes to mental health and alcohol. Men’s Health Week may be a good time to start.

Struggling with your drinking? Asking for help is the bravest and best thing you can do.

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