*This story talks about cancer and loss which some readers might find upsetting.
I stopped drinking at the age of 58 after drinking for more than 40 years. When my father died in 1990 from an alcohol-related illness at the age of 48, I trained as an alcohol counsellor to help others. I left this role to bring up my own family. But gradually over the years, my own drinking began to increase. For many years, I would not have described my drinking as problematic but I regularly drank more than the recommended weekly limit of 14 units.
I found myself drinking more when trying to cope with grief. First, my closest friend died from breast cancer in 2016. Then, three months later, in December 2016, my youngest brother Michael started drinking again after being sober for a long time. During this time, he isolated himself from family and friends and wouldn’t allow us to visit him. When I finally got to see him in June 2017, an ambulance had to be called as he was so unwell. When travelling to the hospital, Michael held my hand and told me “If they save me, I’m never drinking again”. Five days later he passed away in hospital at the age of 52.
My drinking escalated further during the coronavirus pandemic, when it became my norm to open a wine bottle every evening after work. I became worried that I was going the same way as my father and brother.
I found myself unable to cope with the stress of the lockdowns, and I don’t think I had ever really processed the grief of my losses.
But in December 2020, I decided I was going to complete Dry January 2021. After the first month of not drinking, I felt so much better that I decided to do another month, then another, and so on. I have not drank alcohol since then.
Since 2020, my life has completely turned around. I lost some weight, which enabled me to exercise easier than before. My skin and hair are better, and my general health has improved significantly. I have learnt to paddleboard, been on a sea kayaking expedition, been solo camping, volunteered at festivals alone, travelled solo to Bali, completed some yoga teacher training, organised sober meetups - including climbing Snowdon, a zip-lining adventure, some nature walks, monthly brunch meetings for sober or sober curious people; and I have become an accredited sober coach. I volunteer in the sober community by hosting zoom calls and brunches, and I host women's circles.
This year, my third year of being alcohol-free, my dear mother passed away. I became aware that her health was deteriorating so I moved into her home to care for her. During that time, I was informed that her condition was terminal, and she would die within a few weeks or months. I was devastated to hear this news, but I was able to cope with my feelings without resorting to my previous coping mechanism in a glass. My days of numbing my feelings with alcohol are behind me. Our feelings are meant to be felt, and it is healthy to process and release them.
I practice yoga most days, continue to work within the sober community, and have more friends than I have ever had. I am looking forward to taking partial retirement from December 2023, and I know that on the days I do not work I will fill my time with activities that nurture my wellbeing and make a difference to the lives of others. I am convinced that doing Dry January saved my life!
*Loss and bereavement can cause significant changes in our lives and can be a trigger for us drinking more. If you have experienced a loss or bereavement, speak to your GP for advice and support. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy also has information and advice on its website, as well as a directory of counsellors near you. For further support with grief and loss, you can also call Cruse Bereavement Support’s free helpline on 0808 808 1677.
