I never intended to present two completely different versions of myself to the world. By day and when sober, I can be confident, nice, polite, accountable and reliable, but after a night of boozing I can be nervous, anxious, awkward, lethargic, miserable and late to anything that starts before lunchtime.
I’m not referring to a Beyonce / Sasha Fierce type alter ego here, I’m talking about a Jekyll and Hyde-like transition where I would start the night with one intention and end it doing the complete opposite. These two versions of me are Drunk Me and Sober Me. As I’ve got older, I’ve separated the two and realised that Drunk Me isn’t actually who I am at all. It’s a mask - an alcohol-fuelled caricature of me that holds me back and limits my life.
Let me introduce you to Trashbag Glenny, AKA Drunk Me - sloppy, unreliable, argumentative and child-like. This is the persona that dominated my twenties and the one I absolutely refuse to listen to anymore. Then we have Sober Glen, who is fun, loyal, loving, motivated, ambitious and passionate. Let’s shorten the two versions of me to ‘Trashbag’ (Drunk Me) and ‘Glen’ (Sober Me) for ease.
Trashbag was the life and soul of a party. The flipside of his negatives, which we’ve already mentioned, were his positives; fun, talkative, excitable and unpredictable. He’d be the first one dancing, last one standing and usually the only one in the group being sick at some point in the night. This was followed by an entire day in bed with third-degree hangover. Trashbag constantly missed work, embarrassed himself at professional events and put himself in some very dangerous situations. I shudder and apologise to myself when I think about those times now.
But he served a purpose. Trashbag is the reason I now feel so passionately about life without hangovers, and the reason I started this process five years ago. From real-life experience, he’s taught me a lot about what I REALLY want out of life, how I live it, the people I surround myself with and where I put my energy, time and money.
During my second year of not drinking, I really thought I’d killed off Trashbag Glenny for good. However, I’ve now realised he’s very much still alive and just needs a glass of cheap wine to come back to life. He came back with a vengeance in lockdown 1.0, at the time when it seemed like the entire world was drinking wine in their dressing gowns.
I joined in on the lockdown drinking in 2020 because I thought I needed something to turn the long days into night. But what I really needed was what I got: a stark reminder of being Trashbag. Drinking wine on my own made the entire situation more depressing.
I thank the universe that I had enough self-awareness to dull the voice that wanted more and pulled myself out of that darkness after a week or two. I now realise that I had to have those wobbles to really show me that the life I wanted to live was a sober one.
A couple of years on, my life is very simple now that Trashbag is no longer in the driving seat. I enjoy drama-free days filled with authentic and honest relationships. I pay my bills on time and I’ve removed debt from my life. My career has been incredible since I stopped drinking and I wake up each day happy, excited and with a genuine lust for life. And after five years of living, learning and re-routing towards the sober life, I can promise you there is another way when it comes to drinking too much. It starts with sparkling water, fresh lime and throwing out the trash.
