Game of Thrones goes alcohol-free

Lauren Booker | May 2019 | 7 minutes

We may think that spring has arrived but actually winter has just shown up - but what if a Sober Spring did come to Westeros?

The north, not to mention the rest of the world, is in peril. Even now the White Walkers have been defeated there’s no sign of a thaw.

But what if a Sober Spring did come to Westeros? Have you ever thought what your favourite GOT character would do if they took on a Sober Spring? No? Don’t worry, I’ve done the wondering for you.

Tyrion Lannister

Tricky – this king of the witty one-liner is rarely seen without a glass of something boozy in his hand, so it’ll come as a bit of a surprise to his consorts that he’s up for Sober Spring. But I imagine he’s looking forward to partying just as hard without the booze, or even putting his feet up and glugging back a passionfruit smoothie surrounded by scantily clad maidens.

Daenerys Targaryen

The mother of dragons is going to need something fiery to drink. Luckily, Dani isn’t a big drinker anyway so Sober Spring won’t present too much of a challenge. After all, a lady whose ‘to do’ list includes defeat the army of the dead, take the seven kingdoms and break the wheel of oppression needs her wits about her. She’s probably curled up with her dragons in front of a roaring fire, sipping a ginger beer over ice with a splash of lime.

Jon Snow

Hmm, he’s definitely not going to miss the Winterfell party season. Winter is here, he mopes, but maybe after a few weeks of sober raves, alcohol-free pale ale and the attention of the dragon mamma to thaw him out, he’ll get a bit of colour in his cheeks and cheer up.

Cersei Lannister

For someone who likes to be in control as much as Cersei, it’s always a surprise that she slurps so much red wine. She may think that it helps with her Machiavellian plotting, but a few sober weeks to clear her head and she’ll be on the Iron Throne in no time. Her drink of choice when the going gets tough is a Virgin Mary, with extra tabasco. She likes the colour, it reminds her of, well, everyone she’s had killed recently.

Jamie Lannister

Now, the Kingslayer, unlucky in love (to say the least) and not so great at keeping all his limbs intact, takes on Sober Spring with the same slightly bemused resignation that he tackles most challenges. He’ll put his heart into it but probably isn’t hoping for too much, going on past experience. If ever a man could do with an aromatherapy massage, a juice cleanse and a bit of a chakra realignment, it’s Ser Jamie. I’d recommend a fresh juice made with beetroot, apple, spinach and kiwi. Lots of antioxidants and iron.

Arya Stark

Little Arya Stark is barely old enough to drink anyway, but this fearsome warrior, mistress of disguise and total badass will breeze through Sober Spring like a sword through the belly of her enemies. Still, having spent her teenage years hacking and slashing her way across the world, maybe she’s ready for something a bit more normal. How about a nice triple thick strawberry milkshake?

The Night King

He doesn’t mind not drinking alcohol, as long as whatever you serve him comes with ice. Lots and lots of ice. (Spoiler alert: The Night King’s Sober Spring hasn’t gone so well for him.)