My first memory of being drunk was around 12 years old. It was my older sister's birthday party and my friend, and I had a few bottles of beer. Prior to that, I had tried a few drinks with my little sister. We once stole a little bottle of baileys which we used to swig and say, "want to get drunk?" We thought it was cool and had seen our parents and their friends do it.
Fast forward then to when I was 14 years old on a school ski trip. We were left alone for a few hours before going bowling, so we decided to try and buy some beers, and we were successful. We stood in a car park and drank these beers as quickly as we could, so we wouldn't get caught. Once we’d polished them off, we went to a shop where we bought some tic-tacs and sprayed some deodorant hoping that it would mask the smell, and no one would notice how drunk we were. Unfortunately, that's when my mate appeared with a bottle of vodka. We were buzzing at the time and we just started swigging away. We had no clue around the dangers of alcohol poisoning, and we just wanted to "get drunk" like I had all those years before. I had seen my parents, their friends, my family and even characters like Homer Simpson do it and they made it look like so much fun. That occasion was my first hangover and let me tell you at 14 years old, it was probably one of my worst.
I have always been the ’life and soul’ and would always bring the party. Coming from a large family with older siblings, I was always able to get booze for me and my friends. I used to pride myself on being able to handle my booze. I was always a happy drunk and would never get aggressive. If anything, I wanted to be everyone's friend and would always try so hard to make a good first impression. I recall saying “I want someone who has met me for the first time, to feel comfortable enough to come to my funeral”. I used to put so much pressure on myself to be liked by strangers when I should have been focusing on liking myself and the people closest to me. I always used to wander off on nights out and you would find me in the smoking area talking to strangers. I used to call myself “The Grenade”, because I would go on nights out, put on a big performance and basically ‘blow up’ and then my mates would come in and pick up the pieces.
I would find myself in crazy situations time and time again when booze was involved. This included falling over in Mexico and watching a bus tyre stop inches before my head and wandering the streets of Prague with no money or phone trying to find my apartment on survival instinct alone. I would always end up in messy situations but they would eventually turn into “funny” stories, so I never saw it as an issue.
I was a classic binge drinker. I lived for the weekend and wished Monday to Friday away and my friends and I would make it our mission to get as drunk as physically possibly in the short window that we had when we saw each other.
I feel we were all trying to escape something, or at least I was. I was unhappy at work, following a path that I knew wasn’t right for me and something had to change.
It was not until October 2023 at age 33 (after 20 years of drinking) that I decided to make a change. I left my corporate job of 17 years and chose to focus on my health and wellbeing. I decided to stop drinking for a few months to see how I felt. I went to a fitness retreat in Thailand for four weeks and on my return, I continued on my sober journey. Four weeks then led to months, and now I’ve been sober for over a year. It has completely transformed my life, and I feel like my sober life is the life I was meant to live. I don’t regret my life before as it led me to where I am today, but I am glad that I made the change.
