TW: This story contains references to drug use and suicide.
From a young age, I had vivid dreams of violence and chaos. I always felt something wasn’t right. These feelings followed me throughout my childhood, and as I grew up, they became harder to ignore. Alcohol and violence moulded my childhood memories.
At the age of 11, I moved to Leeds. This was meant to be a fresh start but it marked the beginning of a turbulent chapter in my life. I was young, impulsive, and desperate to escape the emotions and confusion that had haunted me for years.
What started as experimentation with alcohol and drugs quickly turned into something darker. Being on a destructive path, I was sent back to London to get my life back on a positive track.
Back in London at 15, I found myself attending a referral unit because I didn’t have a school. My life was chaotic, and my behaviour soon spiralled out of control. By the time I was 16, I came dangerously close to prison. That moment was a wake-up call. It made me pause and rethink the direction my life was taking. I knew I needed to change and, for a while, I tried to do just that.
At 18 years old, I moved to Derby for university, believing it was my chance to leave my troubled past behind. However, the freedom and independence of university life quickly became a gateway to more partying, drinking, and drug use. I convinced myself I was just having fun, but deep down, I was running from unresolved pain and mental health struggles that I didn’t know how to face. That pattern followed me for the next 15 years.
My life became a cycle of drinking, drugs, probation, prison, and a worsening mental health state. There were moments when I felt so hopeless that I attempted suicide, convinced there was no way out. Despite my struggles, I managed to maintain jobs in sales, administration, warehouse, account manager, you name it. Outwardly, I appeared functional, but inside, I was falling apart.
Amid the chaos, I became a father to two wonderful boys, but I still couldn’t fully step into the role they needed me to play. My mental health and addiction continued to hold me back from being the parent they deserved.
In 2023, everything changed. I found myself on remand at HMP Thameside, facing the consequences of my actions yet again. Those four months in prison were a defining moment for me. I realised I couldn’t keep living this way. I needed help, and more importantly, I wanted help. While in prison, I connected with mental health services and found strength in a higher power.
I also began working with drug and alcohol service providers, like Cranstoun Inspire and Catch22. Their support, along with the incredible guidance of my probation officer Gail, helped me to begin rebuilding my life. Through the Forward Trust and Community Links, I was able to address not only my addiction, but also the deep-seated mental health issues that had driven me to self-medicate for so many years.
I immersed myself in personal development, completing courses in mental health, counselling, and peer mentoring. These programmes gave me the tools to better understand my struggles and to help others on a similar journey.
Today, I’m proud to say I’ve been sober for 20 months. I now work for a charity that supports people facing homelessness, mental health challenges, and addiction. I’m also working on a personal project aimed at helping others break free from the grip of substance use and transform their lives. My experiences have given me a deep understanding of these struggles, and I’m committed to using my story to inspire hope and change. Through it all, I’ve learned that my past doesn’t define me—it has shaped me into the person I am today.
I’m now married and living a life that, while not stress-free, is drug and alcohol-free. I feel fulfilled, grateful, and determined to give back. My purpose as a father, being present for family and giving back to my community makes writing this so worthwhile. Thank you for listening to my story, and thank you, Alcohol Change UK, for giving me the opportunity to share it.