One day, this lockdown will be over. And a lot of people intend to mark that occasion by getting together, and getting plastered. July is being flagged for the re-open of socially distanced pubs. So how does someone who is newly sober navigate this?
‘Highly qualified’ aren’t words I usually use to describe myself, but when it comes to staying sober while surrounded by drunk people, I am deeply experienced. Now over two years sober, my pre-lockdown year was spent doing more DJ gigs than ever - easily 200. That means 200 boozy brunches, all-night raves and endless offers of free drinks, so if I can do it, I am living proof that you can too.
The key here might surprise you. It’s a two-stepper.
- Don’t ask for alcoholic drinks.
- Turn down alcoholic drinks when people offer them to you.
Deceptively simple. But that doesn’t mean it is easy.
Most drunk people don’t really care if you are sober, so long as you aren’t getting in the way of their good time. When I was drunk, I assumed that everyone I partied with was as smashed as me. It never even occurred to me that they might not be.
Many assume there will be widespread opposition when they stop drinking. I know that this is true for some, but it has not been my experience, at all. Maybe I’m extremely lucky, but I’ve only had a tiny number of people (fingers of one hand territory) be overtly negative about me not drinking.
Once, I was asked why I was being so boring. I just replied, “I can’t think of anything more boring than getting drunk again, and having the same night out I’ve had a million times before.” And some friends have dissolved out of my life - I say friends, but they were more like enablers. But my true friends have been nothing but supportive and accepting.
In general, most of the pressure I have ever felt has come from within, from an assumed sense of what social expectations are, and a fear that others will strictly police them.
This ‘what will people think?’ anxiety is common. When I first stopped drinking, two of my best friends had their 40ths in the same month. I felt that my friends would be appalled if I didn’t drink to the occasion. I called them both, almost asking for permission to be sober at their parties, and both said that they didn’t care if I wasn’t drinking, and just wanted me to be there.
Overwhelmingly, I get curiosity about my being a sober DJ. I had steeled myself for confrontations and disagreements that simply never came. I’ve also been contacted by several dozen people asking, “How did you give up?” I’ve realised just how many party people feel trapped by the drinking part of their lifestyle. Many have now quit drinking too, or they take extended breaks.
I go home earlier these days, whether swerving post-meal cocktails with friends, or when I finish my sets and people are piling off to after-parties. I am totally fine with that. The second half of nights tended to offer relatively little added value, but a lot of additional costs - financial, emotional, physical, mental. When you go out and get wasted, you are borrowing happiness from the future. That debt has to be paid back, often with interest.
When I weigh what I’ve gained in the past two years against what I’ve lost, the comparison is so lopsided as to be laughable. Healthier, wealthier, happier, in so many ways.
I never intended my break from drinking to be a ‘forever’ thing, but after just three weeks, I knew I wanted to continue. When I weigh what I’ve gained in the past two years against what I’ve lost, the comparison is so lopsided as to be laughable. Healthier, wealthier, happier, in so many ways. And much of what you think you lose when you embrace sobriety is an illusion - nobody ushers you off the dancefloor for the sin of dancing sober. And who exactly is stopping you from dancing on a table if you want to?
I spent a lifetime thinking that I needed booze to do certain things, I needed booze to cut loose, to dance, to perform, to party. And of course, I didn’t. I don’t. You don’t either. Nobody does, really. Learning that has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.
- DJ Santero has toured the world with Ministry of Sound. Listen to his sets on Mixcloud, read his blog here, and follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
