I was brought up in a family entwined with alcohol. Everyone I knew and spent time with drank and I suppose subconsciously I followed them down this path. I never saw my drinking as a problem. I worked full time, provided for my children and never knowingly upset anyone while drunk. There was no ‘rock bottom’. But I was unhappy. I constantly worried about what people thought of me, I didn’t have a positive outlook on life and I just drank to numb everything out.
The turning point for me was the death of a drinking buddy. He died very suddenly after showing no previous signs of illness. I was stunned – it could have been me… It really made me question where my life was going – I was constantly skint, but I always found money for my drug of choice: alcohol. On a Wednesday night in July 2019 (it was 3 July, to be precise) in my local pub, just after last orders had been called, it hit me. I looked around and saw the reality of what alcohol and harmful drinking can do to people. I saw people completely overcome by their own emotions, hopelessness on withered faces and I just thought to myself: “I really don’t want this to be me.”
And that was it. I downed my last inch of cider and said to the
landlord: “That’s it, I’m done.” He turned to me and said: “See you
tomorrow John.” He did see me the next day, but has never served me
alcohol again. I haven’t had a drink since that evening.
Nobody thought I could keep it going, including me, because of my previous ‘failed’ attempts at Dry January and sober October. But this time it was different. I wanted to stop. I educated myself – I read books, listened to podcasts and watched YouTube videos and learnt about the effects of alcohol and the damage it does to so many people’s lives. It helped me to understand my cravings and gain knowledge on alcohol addiction, and with that I have found abstaining easy. The first month was the hardest for me, but the benefits that were becoming apparent were more important to me than drinking. That’s when it really changed – I didn’t need willpower, because I simply preferred being sober.
I never foresaw the changes that would occur to my mental health. I was convinced that alcohol just helped me ‘take the edge off’, so to speak. But now I see that it just delayed the pain of dealing with my issues. Putting off tackling little problems meant they manifested into larger ones with bigger and worse consequences, so I drank more alcohol to deal with those bigger issues. On and on went the merry go round... And this is how I have come to view serious alcohol problems: a merry go round that you can’t get off.
Since that Wednesday in July in 2019, I’ve lost 6.5 stone in weight, I have more money, a better relationships with my kids, a more positive outlook, no anxiety, no regrets, unbelievable sleep… The list is endless. I could never go back to drinking, and I won’t.
Before, I would only ever get excited about my next drink. I now have a much more positive outlook on life. I think more clearly and get proper sleep with no 3am anxiety attacks. Alcohol ruled me for 20-odd years, but now I’m back in control of my own life and destiny. I was determined not to be a victim like my drinking buddy, and now I know I won’t be.
