My uncle Nick had always been the life and soul of the party. Every weekend he would be out drinking at the pubs. He was the coolest uncle ever, so approachable and fun – I would even take him clubbing with me once I’d turned 18!
From a young age alcohol was a consistent part of his life, which we never really thought much of. He was divorced and self-employed, so when he was working from home 24/7 with no need to drive, his alcohol intake started to go from weekends to weekdays.
Around six years ago Uncle Nick hit rock bottom and it started to be apparent how dependent he was on the alcohol. Beer was not enough, wine was not enough… Whiskey was the only drink that he could feel drunk on, so he started to drink whiskey all day every day – one bottle a day to be precise. Nick lived an hour away from us, so we as a family were not aware of how bad the situation had become as we didn’t see him regularly. One day my grandparents turned up at his flat to find him lying in his bed, unrecognisable. Skin and bone, with a stomach like a pregnant woman. so lethargic he couldn’t move. Immediately paramedics were called and off he went to hospital. This was the first of many trips.
At the hospital it was confirmed that he had stage 3 liver cirrhosis, and that he had six months to live. After having a detox for a few weeks in hospital, he came home and carried on drinking. Thankfully he always ate well, and to this day we think the food saved his life. He went on to live another five years.
Gradually the colour of his skin and eyes became jaundiced. His brain would be confused but he would remember certain things, like when we had to take his driver’s license away from him for his own safety. The hospital would always have him back in for a detox and they were fantastic, but those detoxes themselves would nearly kill him and his family. We would each receive at least ten phone calls a day (or night) – he thought they were trying to kill him, steal his flat... you name it!
Unfortunately, he never had enough strength to stop drinking alcohol, despite the detoxes. It was very hard to deal with as a family. We would think that we were never enough for him to stop, and that, as much as he loved us, he never loved us as much as the whiskey. As the years went by, his prognosis got worse. The damage was irreversible. I would take him for short trips out, but he had a seizure in my car which made him very nervous of travelling and knocked his confidence a lot. He then became very house-bound. So, as a family we decided to support his decision to drink and enjoy whatever time we had left with him.
Nick survived to his 60th birthday, which was an achievement for him. We would often joke when he made it to another milestone like Christmas.
He then became very weak and very dependent. COVID lockdown was the final straw. His nurse visits were very limited, and since we couldn’t visit he didn’t see anyone. Thank god for Amazon and Deliveroo – I needed to get the whiskey deliveries to him. If I didn’t, he would be doing everything in his power to get in a taxi to get to the nearest shop himself. When he started to lose the ability to cook I would send him snacks that he fancied, but soon he lost the will to eat at all. Since all his intake was now whiskey, his body started to shut down. We knew the end was near because Uncle Nick loved his food and a daily chat.
I would ring him throughout the day and he was always in bed and sleepy. My nan and grandpa would spend their days worrying about him, asking have I heard from him, have they? He was prone to falling, so sometimes we wouldn’t hear from him because he had been on the floor for hours. Thank god he had a buzzer.
Towards the end my mum had to start travelling to care for him as he declined any offers of carers or detox from the doctor, and we couldn’t let him stay in the state he was in. It was very tough but also fulfilling to shower him and clean him up so he was comfortable.
Little did we know he had weeks to live. He had a fall and pressed his buzzer which meant he was taken to hospital. Due to COVID-19 we knew we couldn’t see him, but it was such a relief to know that he was in the safest place possible. This time it became apparent that all his organs had begun to fail. He went onto end-of-life care with a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order and he died in hospital within two days of being admitted. I am sharing his story to raise awareness of what alcohol can do, and how it affects not just the one drinking, but their families, too. Addiction is giving up everything for one thing. Recovery is giving up one thing for everything. We miss Uncle Nick so much.
