Supporting a loved one experiencing problems with alcohol

It can be heart-breaking to watch someone you care about struggle with alcohol problems. But gently encouraging them to seek support can make a real difference, both for their wellbeing and yours.

Even small changes in drinking habits can lead to big health benefits. And your support can be a positive part of that journey.

Video: How to support a loved one experiencing alcohol problems

Watch Alcohol Change UK Ambassador Alisha as she explains how to spot the signs that your loved one may be drinking too much alcohol and some ways you can support them.

How to spot the signs your loved one might be drinking too much

Many of us drink alcohol and don’t experience any significant problems. However, some of us find ourselves, over time, drinking more than we used to and becoming increasingly reliant on alcohol to manage our feelings or cope with challenges in life. This can cause problems to both our physical and mental wellbeing, and negatively impact our home life and work.

If you have spotted at least some of the following signs below, there is a strong possibility that your loved one may need help with their drinking:

They are finding it hard to manage responsibilities.
They are being secretive or defensive.
They have unexplained injuries or difficulty remembering what they did.
They are drinking more often or more than planned.
They are losing interest in usual activities, preferring to drink instead.

If these sound familiar, your loved one may benefit from some help.

Here's how you can support them

Pick a time when they have sobered up and are therefore more receptive to your concerns.
Choose a comfortable, private space for the conversation where you feel safe to speak freely, and where you won’t be interrupted.
Talk to them calmly and without blame or judgement about their alcohol use: Planning what you want to say will help to keep you focused in what may be a difficult, emotional conversation.
Start by letting them know that you love and care about them and that you are there to support them
Use positive, supportive language, avoiding confrontation.
Avoid an argument - if it’s not the right time or they deny there is a problem, pick another time when they might be more receptive, such as when they express regret about their drinking.

What should I say/not say?

Try to choose positive, supportive language. Here are some useful questions you might ask:

“I’ve noticed you have not been feeling yourself lately. Do you want to talk to me about what’s going on for you?”
“I am worried that things are getting on top of you. Would you like to have a chat to someone about what is worrying you?”
“How do you feel about your drinking, because I’m concerned you have not been your usual self?”

Try to avoid accusing your loved one of “having a drink problem” or “being an alcoholic”, as this is rarely the right approach. Avoiding labels and instead focusing on the person and behaviour is likely to cause less upset. Also, expressing empathy with the difficulties they are experiencing will likely be more effective, acknowledging how things may have been tough for them recently at home or in work.

Try not to be too direct with your language too: questions like “do you think you could do with a little support to cut down your drinking?” and “have you considered chatting with your GP?” will likely be more helpful than statements like “you need help”.

Offering practical support

Supporting someone close to you to cut back or stop drinking can be a challenging and can take some time but it could provide them with the motivation they need to get their drinking under control.

Support you could offer includes:

Encouraging them to get a check-up from their GP and offering to accompany them.
Sitting with them when they call an alcohol helpline for advice.
Regularly praising any small steps forward they are able to make.
Organising activities and trips that don’t involve alcohol.
Avoiding drinking alcohol around them.

If they are drinking at high levels, don’t suddenly withhold alcohol – as this could be very dangerous and even fatal for anyone who is physically dependent on alcohol. Instead, help them get medical advice from their GP to reduce their drinking safely. Find out more.

It’s also important to remember that change takes time. Ultimately, while you can support your loved one, the decision to change is theirs. So, make sure you look after your own wellbeing too.

Support for you

Helping someone to overcome their drinking problems can be a long road, and you will not always feel your help is welcome or making any difference. Ultimately, it is down to the drinker to make any changes, and it is vital that you look after your wellbeing first and foremost. Remember you’re not alone and that you deserve support too.

There are organisations that work specifically with families, friends and carers affected by someone else’s drinking.