When I first gave up drinking, I honestly thought it was just about removing the alcohol. The early days were all about breaking the habit, navigating cravings, and getting through social events without giving in. And I could do it — I had multiple 30, 60, even 90-day alcohol-free stretches under my belt.
June 2025 |
9 minutes
Ellen is a lifestyle coach who’s passionate about helping people improve their wellbeing. After giving up alcohol in 2018, she has some tips to share about how she stays motivated on a longer-term alcohol free journey.
“But every time, eventually, I would convince myself I could moderate. I’d tell myself I was fine now. That I’d learned enough. And before I knew it, I’d be back at square one — feeling frustrated, defeated, and wondering what was wrong with me.”
What I didn’t realise then was that long-term sobriety requires a different approach. It’s not just about stopping drinking — it’s about building something new in its place.
“I remember so clearly the moment I hit a longer sober stretch and thought: ‘Holy shit, I’m sober… what now?’”
In the beginning, motivation feels big. There’s novelty, adrenaline, a sense of challenge. Every sober day feels like a win. But eventually, things settle. The cravings fade — but the feelings don’t. Life keeps happening, and you’re fully awake for all of it.
“I had to learn how to sit with life. How to manage stress, boredom, and celebration without reaching for a drink. How to rebuild my identity without alcohol at the centre of everything.”
These five tools have helped me stay connected to what truly matters in long-term sobriety — and I hope they help you too.
Ellen’s five tools for staying motivated during a longer-term alcohol free journey
One of the sneakiest things the brain does over time is Fading Affect Bias — softening the bad memories and making drinking seem not so bad. You forget the 3a.m. wake-ups, the guilt, the regret… and instead remember sunny terraces and clinking glasses.
That’s why it’s so important to stay close to your why.
Your reason might evolve — and that’s okay. What mattered at 30 days might not be what anchors you at 13 months. Write it down. Revisit it often. Journal your wins and your truth. Record a voice note to yourself. Keep a list in your phone.
When your brain tries to forget, gently remind it of the full picture.
This doesn’t have to mean formal meetings or a specific programme. But it does mean finding people who get it — people who remind you, especially on hard days, that you’re not broken or alone.
Whether it’s a WhatsApp group, a weekly check-in, or just a couple of trusted sober friends — staying connected helps build resilience.
Motivation wobbles less when you’re walking the path with others.
One of the hardest parts of sobriety for me was realising how much of my identity had revolved around drinking. Socialising, relaxing, holidays — it all felt tied to alcohol. When I took that away, I wasn’t just left with cravings — I was left with a void.
Andrew Huberman said it well:
“Addiction is a progressive narrowing of the things that bring you pleasure. Happiness is a progressive expansion of the things that bring you pleasure.”
And that expansion takes work. I tried so many things: cold water swimming, early mornings, breathwork, climbing, volunteering. Not everything stuck, but over time, I built a life that felt full.
If you’re feeling stuck, ask yourself: What brought me joy before alcohol? What would I try if I didn’t need it to be perfect? What did I love as a child? Start there.
You don’t have to wait for a full year to acknowledge how far you’ve come. Every alcohol-free birthday, every tricky conversation, every night you went to bed proud of yourself — it all counts.
Sometimes we forget to notice what’s become our new normal. But what’s normal now might have felt impossible a year ago.
So mark the moments and honour the shifts. You’re doing something powerful — and you deserve to see it.
Sobriety isn’t one-size-fits-all. It grows as you do. What got you through the first 100 days might not serve you three years in. That’s not failure — that’s evolution.
Stay curious and try something new. Read a different book. Change your routine. Go on a retreat. All of this can add fresh layers to your support.
Long-term sobriety isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. And motivation? It lives in momentum.
About Ellen
Ellen is a trauma-informed sobriety and lifestyle coach with over 20 years of experience in the health and wellness industry.
Ellen is the founder of It Starts with Sobriety and is passionate about early intervention, accessible support, and creating compassionate spaces for women to explore life without alcohol. You can find out more on her Instagram account: @sobrietysisterhood
