Alcohol Change UK Ambassador Denise Hamilton-Mace changed her line of work as well as her relationship with alcohol as she entered her 40s. Now the founder of the fantastic Low No Drinker resource hub, she helps others make the same changes she did. She shares her knowledge on how to stop yourself drinking on autopilot.
February 2026 |
9 minutes
The 3-step method for breaking automatic drinking habits
It's Wednesday evening, six o'clock, your boss has been on your back all day, and your colleagues are incompetent. The kids are loud. The house is a mess. Your other half is out, and you've got to supervise homework, as well as make dinner, tidy up, and put the ferals to bed.
You look down, and suddenly, there's a large glass of wine in your hand that you can't remember deciding to pour.
In one of my recent polls on Mindful Drinking & Moderation in Midlife podcast, 47% of people said the hardest part about cutting back was 'breaking decades of habit'.
It’s not surprising. You’ve spent a lifetime making these habits; it's going to take more than a fortnight to create meaningful change.
What is a habit?
Habits are learned behaviours consisting of three parts:
- TRIGGER – e.g. Bad day at work
- ACTION – e.g. Having a drink
- REWARD – e.g. Relaxation
Habits are also your brain’s super-efficient energy-saving service.
The average person makes 35,000 decisions a day! You wouldn’t make it out the door if you had to give them all your full attention.
Instead, your brain thinks: “I know a shortcut.” And when it comes to drinking, that shortcut is: Feeling stressed -> have wine -> feel better.
And two of the three parts aren't wrong. We will always have triggers (life isn’t getting any easier, folks), and we will always need rewards.
So that leaves you only one area to manipulate: the action. And after years of habit, it's running on autopilot. But now it’s time to take back control!
What can you do?
I know we’d all rather take the easy route. It’s been a long day, and you just want to chill out.
Add to that, raised cortisol levels that impact your decision-making and impulse control, leading you to prioritise immediate reward over long-term benefits, and it becomes a lot to contend with.
But it’s time to put some effort in – yep, whether you’re a fan of RuPaul, Rihanna or Dolly – they all want you to do one thing: work!
The 3-step method for basic habit change:
You can't make your kids behave perfectly, stop your boss from being a pain in the whatsit, or help the fact that you might have ageing parents who need support.
The only thing you can control is how you react to them. Getting angry, overwhelmed or frustrated doesn't actually help you achieve anything.
Instead, you need to give yourself space to feel your frustrations, but recognise that they can’t help you now, so you’re going to choose not to let them direct you.
This takes practice, but it’s a valuable skill in alcohol reduction and in life in general.
There are many new actions you could take. One of my favourites is cheap, easy and instantly effective: movement.
Movement is the body's natural stress reliever. A simple walk around the block, dancing to your favourite songs (volume high), or a quick HIIT session can naturally alleviate stress, lower cortisol, and calm the mind.
Or you could try something completely different to distract yourself while lowering your anxiety.
Learn a language (I hear Klingon will keep you busy), organise your underwear drawer, watch a funny movie, start a 1000-piece jigsaw of a sandy beach!
It doesn’t really matter what you choose; you just need to give yourself space to ride out the wave of instant unthinking reaction.
This takes trial and error. You've got to figure out what works for you. And remember, it's about progress, not perfection.
Always be prepared. Once you've identified the new actions that work for you, don't leave it to chance.
If it's exercise, have your gym kit ready.
If it's low/no drinks, keep them ready at hand and chilled.
If it's phoning a friend, make sure they know they're on designated stress-relief duty.
It’s Not About Willpower
Relying on willpower alone at the end of a long day or when you’re emotionally drained is not going to work – especially if you’ve had to put the majority of your energy into not telling Gary from accounts exactly what you think of his claims process.
Whether the trigger is stress, boredom, celebration, or a really hard hump day, the same approach applies. Changing the way you drink is not about willpower; it's about understanding and preparation.
Denise Hamilton-Mace is an Alcohol Change UK Ambassador and host of the Mindful Drinking & Moderation in Midlife Podcast.
