If I’m honest, I never ever wanted to drink alcohol. As a child, I saw people change when they got drunk. Some people became jolly, some became silly, and some became aggressive. I experienced a dark side to alcohol from a very early age. So much so that I made a vow at the age of seven or eight (a vivid memory for me) that I would never, ever touch alcohol. I had seen that side that I didn’t like, and I also harboured the ambition of becoming a professional footballer and knew it wouldn’t help me to achieve that. Decision made.
May 2024 |
8 minutes
Our ambassador Fraser Franks uses his own experiences to talk to us about the complex relationship between alcohol and self-confidence.
I made a vow at the age of seven or eight (a vivid memory for me) that I would never, ever touch alcohol.
At school, I never felt tempted to drink alcohol. My friends would go to parties, meet girls, be a bit silly and carefree when they drank alcohol. At this time, I was playing for Chelsea FC and was in the academy four days per week. I couldn’t go to the parties on a Friday or Saturday night because I needed to be up the next morning ready to perform. I can honestly say, I never once thought I was missing out or sacrificing anything. I’d go occasionally if I didn’t have a game, but I was very strong in my resolve to not drink alcohol.
Fast forward to the age of 16-17, I began to socialise more often. I began to feel a crippling fear of talking to girls or dancing. I’d see my friends feel the same way, but if they had a drink, that fear seemed to disappear. I carried on with my vow to never drink, but there came a tipping point. I was so fed up of seeing everybody else have fun and gain confidence, whilst I stood back and was labelled as boring. I didn’t want to drink, but I wanted the effect that alcohol seemed to give the others.
I didn’t want to drink, but I wanted the effect that alcohol seemed to give the others.
At the age of 17, I gave in. The very first time I drank, I was cheered and accepted by the group. I danced, I got the girl and for that night I felt I could be the person I’d always hoped I could be. Since opening about issues with alcohol, I’ve realised just how many young men have the same story for their reasons for picking up that first drink.
Many of us don’t feel enough. We are crippled by our insecurities. We have low self-esteem. We worry about our bodies. We have childhood traumas that may not have been addressed. We lack confidence. We care deeply about what others think.
For a long time after that I had all my confidence wrapped up into alcohol.
For a long time after that I had all my confidence wrapped up into alcohol. Give me a couple of drinks and I can do anything. Dance, socialise, be funny, confident and outgoing. Without it though, I was terrified. I felt awkward, not enough, boring, wooden and a lesser version.
I now do my best to be as honest and open as I can in order to help other people that may have felt like this. To let them know they aren’t alone. We all have insecurities, but we often hide them in different ways. Just know that anybody reading this; You are enough. Just as you are. We can always learn, improve and work on things, but you are enough.
You are enough. Just as you are. We can always learn, improve and work on things, but you are enough.
I thought I’d lose my confidence completely when I stopped drinking. I was one of my biggest fears. But I soon realised that I needed to take myself out of my comfort zone in order to build that back up. To put myself in seemingly awkward situations and reassure myself that I was capable of so much more. That alcohol had robbed me of my confidence and self-esteem all these years. I now go around and talk in front of large groups for a living. Something that terrified me before. I can now be comfortable in social situations just as I am. There are no negative consequences or worries about what I may have done the night before. The number of times I embarrassed myself and woke up with regrets was getting higher and higher. I’m now free. I live without looking over my shoulder. I feel a sense of peace and immense pride. Instead of shame and guilt.
Find a supportive community and just give it a go.
There is another way. You can live the life you want to. Being sober is not boring. But living in the way I did before was. Find a supportive community and just give it a go. If there is an internal voice in there that is pulling you towards a certain direction, listen to it.
Just remember you aren’t alone, and you are enough. Just as you are.
