I’m Patrick. I’m a dad and husband who has made a career of helping clients stay in control of their finances, yet spent decades in a secret battle to stay in control of my drinking. I’m 37, and like a lot of people in the UK - drinking has been a part of my life since my teens, with underage drinking being a ‘rite of passage’.
From age 16, getting drunk with my mates at the weekend was the norm. Helping each other through the hangover, and piecing together the night before were the foundations of a lot of my friendships. When I grew up and went off to university, or started a new job, I knew how to make friends easily – just add booze. I lacked confidence in a group or social setting and would feel awkward or uneasy but knew that a few drinks would sort me out. I relied on it as an instant cheat sheet to socialise with ease.
From those first drinks as a teenager, to making friends at university through to working in finance, I used alcohol to unlock the instant confidence I felt I needed to be the ‘real me’. There were serious events that I look back on now and see as clear warning signs but at the time they were brushed off and put to the back of my mind. Other times were dressed up as “hilarious” anecdotes to be told at parties or down the pub.
I had alcohol on a pedestal. I thought that I needed it to succeed and enjoy life. For a decade or so, it seemed to be working. I had a successful career with a good relationship and a social life. I didn't look like what my idea of someone with a ‘drinking problem’ looked like. From the outside, I looked like I was doing well. But deep down, I knew my drinking was causing me harm. The anxiety I felt was growing. I was constantly feeling like I would be caught out and exposed as a fraud, as someone who shouldn’t be successful. As my anxiety grew, I drank more to drown it out. I lived in a perpetual state of alert.
This continued up until December 2021, when ‘a glass of red’ whilst wrapping the last of the kids' Christmas presents turned into much more. I decided enough was enough. I started to see alcohol for what it was to me. “Alcohol is an addictive substance that doesn’t do me any favours. By not having it in my life, my life will be better.” This seems very simple, and whilst it's how I see it now, it’s not how I have viewed it for most of my life.
The drinks industry spends billions on advertising and marketing to create the illusion that drinking is essential to a fun, exciting lifestyle. Like a lot of people, I bought into this. Alcohol is so ingrained in our society and normalised that despite it being an addictive drug, we actively encourage each other to take it.We even challenge our friends and family when they don’t join us for a drink. Imagine having to pretend you were on antibiotics to avoid smoking at a work event? We can see that would be ridiculous. But with alcohol, it's normal.
Giving up at the same time as the Dry January challenge was perfect for me as it took away the fear, I had around saying no. It took away the worry of “What will people think when I say I can’t drink?
When the Dry January challenge was over, I just kept going. I was 100% Sober for six months, before pivoting to a 99% Sober approach, which I have been using ever since. “99% Sober, or dry by default, is a label for those of us who are fed up with drinking on autopilot and want to control our relationship with alcohol but aren't ready to shut the door on it completely.”. It’s part of the wider trend of mindful drinking and sober curious.
People who are 99% sober or dry by default are those who rarely drink but make the odd exception. It can make sense for those of us who don’t want to put pressure on ourselves with a ‘drinker’ or ‘non-drinker’ label and removes the angst of counting days.
In the last two years, I've drunk a handful of times, and crucially for me, each time has been a conscious choice which I haven't looked back on with regret. I’ve traded in a life filled with hangovers and anxiety to one filled with energy, happiness and fulfillment.
To learn more about Patrick, visit his Instagram @99percentsober.
