I’ve always had alcohol around me growing up and it was something that was synonymous with celebrations mostly and a way to enhance the atmosphere. But there were also memories of it going too far, like when my dad would come home late at night and argue with my mum, or that cousin who always ended up upset and angry at family events, or just feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount of noise and unpredictability when we attended events as a family. I didn’t realise at the time, but alcohol played a big part in what I observed.
I was always very shy, so it didn’t come as a surprise that alcohol gave me a bit of a boost when it came to parties and meeting new people. Without it I felt awkward and self-conscious, feeling like socialising came naturally to everyone else except me. It was tough but I was young and wanted to fit in.
"At the time it didn’t feel obvious but looking back I could see how I was using alcohol to manage that anxiety I felt in social situations."
So, it was no surprise really that as my life moved on and I had friends and a family that alcohol still remained a constant in that social setting. Especially as I found myself navigating different milestones in my life and the change that comes with it. When my first child started school, I tried to make an effort to support the initiatives and get to know the other parents more. But that same level of awkwardness I felt as a young person soon began to rear its head again. It’s one of those interesting things that suddenly you are thrown together with people who you may not necessarily gravitate towards simply because your children are the same age.
"So, I fell back on alcohol to help me manage those social situations, especially as it felt like the done thing."
Which seems silly to write now but that undercurrent felt real to me at the time. However, it started to drain after a while, I still didn’t feel connected in a meaningful way and the anxiety I felt the day after these events was troubling. I suddenly felt even more self-conscious and worried that I had said the wrong thing after too much to drink or just that sense that I had embarrassed myself. And that felt overwhelming, so I knew I needed to change something.
I started with being a bit more selective with what I attended. I didn’t need to go to everything and I started to prioritise those social events with people I felt more connected to.
" I examined what I was drinking and tried to unpick how I felt before and after drinking."
I really felt that wine in particular went straight to my head, and I found it really difficult to feel in control of my decisions if I ordered that first. So, I changed what I drank, I opted for a single G&T because I knew it had one unit of alcohol instead of the 3+ that my large wine usually did. It still looked fancy and was still alcohol.
I also really started paying attention to how quickly I was drinking and noticed that I often clutched my drink close, which made sipping on it easier.
"I experimented with putting the drink down between sips and tried to focus more on the conversation I was having and not subconsciously sipping away whilst I was listening or chatting."
I decided to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ and embraced those moments of awkwardness and let it wash away, which it did every time if I let it.
"After a while I challenged myself to remove that first alcoholic drink, the one that I still used a bit to take the edge off."
Now when I go out for a drink, I order an alcohol-free drink first as a rule, and that has really helped to ease me into the evening and let go of any hang-ups I may have. I’ve found that ordering an alcohol-free drink elicits one of two responses – people can be curious and ask some questions, or they can truly not give two hoots about what you are doing.
"And I’ve noticed that my choices to drink alcohol-free have opened up the space for friends to try it too."
It feels much more acceptable which makes it easier for so many people trying to make a change.
I still keep an eye on what I am doing but it just feels like second nature now. If I do choose to have a drink, I still apply those same strategies that helped me earlier on like choosing a drink with less units, opting for smaller serves like a half-pints and avoiding large glasses, and making sure I’m making that drink last. I might still feel awkward at times, but I realise that matters to me more than it does to others. And understanding how and why I was using alcohol and learning to challenge that idea that it is essential has been a real game changer.
