I’m Nikki – I’m 50 and I am a recovering ‘alcoholic’. [You can read more about the language used to talk about drinking problems, including the word ‘alcoholic’, here.] I know some people don’t like that term, and prefer to say, ‘dependent on alcohol’, but I think it describes me. I had a drink problem and I choose daily not to drink alcohol.
I know different methods work for different people. Some choose SMART recovery or rehab, but AA meetings worked for me as I’ve found the support to be life changing. The important thing was to stick to it.
I had my first drink at the age of 11 and I drank to numb myself as my family life was chaotic. In my 20s, I loved going out and was the life and soul of the party but I raved and drank heavily to blank my past trauma.
In my 30s and 40s, I continued to drink but I always thought I was holding it together: I still had my family, my house, and my job and therefore I didn’t have a problem. It’s a story you will hear many times, and maybe one you yourself identify with.
Things reached a head when I was a key worker during Covid, and I got assaulted at work. Even though it was a horrendous situation, this was the catalyst I needed to change.
I have been alcohol-free now for just over two years. When I look back at photos of myself on social media over the years, they are all alcohol related, even pictures of my children sometimes had a bottle of wine in them somewhere.
We all like to look like we are coping with whatever life throws at us, even though secretly we might be falling apart inside, and why wouldn’t the odd glass of wine, or bottle, or two,
matter?
I appreciate life’s small pleasures now: such as one of my daughters wanting to sit with me in the evening while we both read or looking at a sunset together. When I was numbing out with drink, I didn't always appreciate my fantastic children or the quality time we spent together.
As I said, we like to portray the perfect life, the perfect us, and especially in this photoshopped age we can do this all the time. However, one crazy night can turn into many. One drink can turn into 20. Months and years go by and our tolerance to alcohol has increased. We don’t notice the vast amounts we are drinking or drunken blackouts ending up on Facebook for work colleagues to see.
I am so relieved social media was not around when I was younger, and all the chaos and destruction I caused was not caught on phones and presented to the world for all to see. I dodged a bullet there, but I feel empathy for young people as they’ve grown up on social media.
I am lucky, I am sober now and I have the internet to help me find recovery meetings. I have my Twitter account @ASoberLady
to talk to people who are also in recovery, and I have access to Alcohol Change UK’s website all in my pocket to help me. Many years ago, all these resources weren’t so easily accessible, and while social media can be volatile and emotive, it can also offer support. When you are struggling with alcohol, hearing someone else understands or has found recovery can be hugely helpful.
