I finally stopped drinking alcohol when I was 22 years old. I had tried to cut out the drinking and 'moderate' my consumption for around 18 months before I got sober. I've had a problematic relationship with alcohol for as long as I was drinking it (since I was around 14 years old). Now, I didn't come out the womb gasping for a drink, and it was a gradual process, but I've always had a taste for it. I would say I was a party animal. I was the friend who would want to get more shots even though I didn’t need anymore. The friend who would stay out all night even though I had work in a couple of hours. The friend who would want to find somewhere else to go even though all the bars had closed. The friend who would have a drink that I didn't even like purely because it was the only bottle left. Now this may not seem that dramatic to some people but looking back, the signs were there from a younger age. It was fun, until it was fun with problems, until it became just problems.
Rosie started drinking at 14 and considered herself a party animal. However, during the 2020 lockdown, Rosie’s drinking took a turn for the worse and she decided something needed to change.
During the 2020 lockdown, my drinking habits took a drastic turn. I was drinking most nights, so by the time the restrictions were lifted, I had a whole new relationship with alcohol and my limits were non-existent.
During the 2020 lockdown, my drinking habits took a drastic turn. I was drinking most nights, so by the time the restrictions were lifted, I had a whole new relationship with alcohol and my limits were non-existent. From that time up until 4 July 2021, I was in this vicious cycle of heavily drinking and usually doing something awful when I was black out drunk (I blacked out every time I drank in the last year of my drinking). Having a hangover from absolute hell where I would genuinely rather die than feel the way that I did. Being depressed, anxious, suicidal, and wholeheartedly hating myself because my drunk actions never aligned with who I am as a person. I had to pay for the horrible things I had done under the influence. I decided that I could no longer do this. I would have a positive week at work because of my new sense of life and attitude. Getting to the end of the week and thinking I can have a drink: "This time is different." And "I have more control now." Or "I deserve a drink!" But it wasn't ever different. If anything, my drinking only got worse.
I have repaired the relationships that were strained due to my drinking. Now every single relationship that I have is deeper, healthier, and genuine.
On 3 July 2021 I drank for the last time. Something shifted within me, and I have never looked back since that day. I have made a 180 turn and my life has changed for the better. I can't even begin to describe how positively my world has transformed since removing alcohol from it. I have repaired the relationships that were strained due to my drinking. Now every single relationship that I have is deeper, healthier, and genuine. I have rebuilt the trust that was destroyed and apologised to those who I have hurt. Most importantly, I rebuilt my self-love. This one is a tough one and I'm still working on it to this day. But I am not a bad person. I am not drunk Rosie. I am not my mistakes. And I forgive myself.
As a society we place alcohol on such a pedestal that we forget the harms it brings. But we demonise and judge the people who develop issues with it.
I can look back now and realise that alcohol was ruining my life completely. It cost me my peace, which is far too expensive. And it has cost me years of unhappiness. People have said to me 'But you're so young, you’re only 23!' which really throws me off, because what does that even mean? Is there an age restriction on drinking or choosing not to drink? As a society we place alcohol on such a pedestal that we forget the harms it brings. But we demonise and judge the people who develop issues with it.
If you have a complicated relationship with alcohol like I once did, please know that you are not alone and you can absolutely change your life.
