I strongly believe lots of people are drinking like I was. That ‘grey area’ drinking that is socially acceptable. It isn’t addiction or dependency but nor is it moderate and occasional. I had no rock bottom, I wasn’t drinking every day, drinking in the morning or drinking in secret. I could have carried on exactly as I was. But I was drinking enough to hold me back from living my life fully. Enough to know I wasn’t being or doing my best.
Life had become a treadmill. My plans, goals and dreams would take one step forward during the week and one step back at the weekend, “I’ll start again on Monday”……and so I was getting nowhere. Drinking opportunities are everywhere, not just the big nights out but the ones you hardly notice. . The easy drinking at home that became habitual during covid. Beers in the garden on a sunny afternoon, wine with the weekend takeaway and family Sunday lunch. I found myself sleepwalking into having a bit too much, a bit too often. It was becoming too big a part of my life.
I’m at an age that it's not just an actual hangover, but also the fog the day after that. I was spending half my week operating at half power. Low level anxiety can’t be bothered today, no energy, sleeping poorly, eating poorly, a bit grumpy, a bit impatient, doing just what I had to do but no more than that. My life was getting smaller for it, and I knew it in my quiet moments.
I decided to get off that treadmill. To see what could be possible if I could keep the ‘Wednesday’ version of myself, consistently. The one that was neither recovering from the last weekend nor starting on the next weekend. My first month alcohol-free was novel and new. But ultimately, I just put my life on hold for a month. I didn’t really go out, I scheduled socialising for the following month when I could drink again. I used a lot of willpower and found myself counting down the days until my ‘normal’ life could resume. I didn’t learn a lot about living without alcohol, but the seed was planted, I felt great! I slept well, I took my make up off every night, I was a much calmer and more present mum with my kids, I had more energy. The changes were mainly physical – I felt much less sluggish and much better rested. But a few months later, I found myself back where I had begun.
My second break was three months. I knew this time that a longer break would really mean I change some habits, and this was where the magic lay. It was long enough that I really had to live my life without drinking. There was no pressing pause on my life this time and I downloaded the Try Dry app. Initially it was easy as I was motivated by all the good things I had experienced before and that I knew would come back again. However, this time the changes ran deeper and as I saw them build that motivated me to continue. This length of time changed ME.
