Amelia’s story: “Instead of thinking twice, I could order in minutes and carry on”

Trigger warning: This blog contains reference to suicide.

I first realised my drinking might be a problem when I moved cities, just over two years ago. Before then my drinking was mainly binge drinking. Because I didn’t drink every day, I convinced myself it wasn’t a real issue. At university, I saw my drinking as normal — everyone around me seemed to be drinking heavily too. I thought I was just enjoying the party lifestyle while still holding down a job.

When I moved, my drinking changed. I knew fewer people, so the social side of drinking started to disappear and I found myself drinking alone much more often.

I first discovered alcohol delivery apps after me and some friends had run out of drink one night. Nobody else could be bothered to go out for more, but I couldn’t accept that the night was over. I searched online for a way to get alcohol quickly and easily delivered.

From that point, my drinking escalated fast. If I ran out of alcohol at a party, I would order more. If I was drinking alone at home, I would order more. What used to be natural stopping points — shops closing, running out of drink, or the effort of going out again — disappeared completely. Because alcohol could arrive so quickly, it removed much of the pause where I might have questioned whether I should drink more or not. Instead of thinking twice, I could order in minutes and carry on. It also meant I often drank larger amounts than I otherwise would have.

I was rarely asked for proof of age. Most of the time there were no checks at all, and sometimes I only had to enter my date of birth online. I only remember being asked to show ID twice.

As my drinking worsened, I became isolated and depressed. I stopped leaving the house unless it was for work. I often felt too anxious or low to go to the shops, but alcohol could still be brought straight to my door. On desperate days, I could order drink in ten minutes without even leaving my bed. I also began drinking in the mornings. If I woke up unable to face the day, instead of trying to cope or going back to sleep, I could quickly order wine and numb myself.

By this point, drinking had become a daily occurrence, and my mental health had collapsed. I often ordered alcohol in the middle of the night when normally I would have gone to sleep. I believe the ease of delivery apps allowed me to keep drinking past the point where I might otherwise have stopped and reached out for help with how depressed and suicidal I had become. There was a two-week period where all I did was drink, repeatedly trying to take my own life and ending up in A&E multiple times. This eventually led to a psychiatric hospital admission.

Even after discharge, I continued drinking. Because alcohol delivery was so easy, I found it much harder to stop. If I’d had to physically get dressed, leave the house, and go to a shop, there were many times I may not have carried on drinking.

Eventually I was encouraged to try Alcoholics Anonymous. Through AA, I came to understand that I was alcoholic and needed help. I’m now six months sober and incredibly grateful for my recovery. Looking back, I truly believe that the ease, speed, and lack of safeguards around alcohol delivery apps significantly worsened my addiction. In my experience, alcohol delivery apps removed the natural barriers that might once have made me stop.