Your entire adult life is peppered (perhaps, liberally) with memories of alcohol.
It has played a role in everything you do, from the good times to the sad, and everything in between, including your relationships.
Whether they were fun and fleeting or deep and meaningful, from the first date to the last kiss, alcohol has been there.
And it’s not just romantic relationships. Your best friends, work colleagues, and that time you really bonded with a stranger at the bar for an hour or two have all seemed to be punctuated by booze. Then one day, you realise that while it’s always been a part of your narrative, it’s time that you started to tell a different story, and for alcohol to no longer have a leading role in your life.
“Then one day, you realise that while it’s always been a part of your narrative, it’s time that you started to tell a different story, and for alcohol to no longer have a leading role in your life.”
Suddenly, all of those relationships are being played out on a different stage, with new direction, and maybe with a change of cast you weren’t expecting.
When we decide to cut back or cut out alcohol, it’s often a decision based on what’s best for us - as well it should be. It’s the best type of selfish you could ever be. The type that benefits both you and everyone you love in the long run.
But on the way to that benefit, you may find that some dynamics change between you and your loved ones, and that sometimes you’ll feel like the odd one out.
“After years of drinking and partying together, when you choose to remove yourself from that equation, it can feel lonely.”
After years of drinking and partying together, when you choose to remove yourself from that equation, it can feel lonely. But that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.
Depending on how long alcohol has been a part of your life, you may have years of identity tied up in it -from what your favourite drink says about you, to how you show up at social events.
For me, alcohol cemented friendships with people I’d known for decades. More than that, my relationship with my husband was built entirely on alcohol when we first met and well into the early years of our marriage. Alcohol had become a part of who we were as a couple and how we connected in every way.
“Alcohol had become a part of who we were as a couple and how we connected in every way.”
When I first decided to change the way I drink, the thought of pulling at the thread that initially bound us together was terrifying.
What would it mean for our relationship? My friendships? My career?
My fears were valid, but by facing them head-on, I was forced to ask myself questions that ultimately shaped my journey. Questions like: When you decide to reduce your alcohol intake, does that mean you also reduce your identity? I’ll be honest with you, yes, when you change the way you drink, things will shift. It’s unavoidable. But it’s also kind of the point.
“I’ll be honest with you, yes, when you change the way you drink, things will shift. It’s unavoidable. But it’s also kind of the point.”
If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. And you’ve made the empowering decision that you want to get something different out of life.
For that to happen, your identity needs to shift.
How much? Maybe a little, maybe a lot. You’ll only know the answer to that when you get there.
But remember that a shift doesn’t have to equal a reduction. Different isn’t the same as less.
Reframe that shift from ‘change and loss’ to ‘learning and growth’. This will allow you to adjust your mindset and recognise that what at first looked like solitude or loneliness is, in fact, you boldly taking the time and space you need for a level of personal development you’ve never allowed yourself to achieve before. And when you come out of the other side of that, standing right there beside you will be your true friends.
“And when you come out of the other side of that, standing right there beside you will be your true friends.”
The people who love you for who you are and what you bring to their lives without caveats or conditions. The people who will be just as happy to sit in silence with you as they were to party all night, and everything in between.
However, some friendships do change. Some people don’t or won't get it just yet. That’s OK, it’s part of life, and it happens to us all, no matter the circumstances.
In the event that you have had to filter out a few people whose journeys are taking a different path to yours for now, and you need to find a few new allies to walk this path with you, the Dry January® challenge 2026 Facebook group during January is brimming with people just like you.
You might feel lonely sometimes, but I promise, you are not alone.
