I have had a strong affiliation with alcohol throughout most of my adult life. Over the years, and largely through the workplace, I gravitated towards like-minded people who, like me, chose to ignore the health risks. Lunchtime drinking and beer after work were the norm, hangovers were graded and laughed about - and a 'hair of the dog' considered a necessity. Our social pastimes were structured to accommodate alcohol before, after and – whenever possible – during. ‘Dry’ days had always been rare for me, but they became non-existent. Without doubt, my relationship with alcohol changed for the worse within that period.
Yet I chose to deny that I was alcohol dependent; after all, I was holding down a responsible, full-time job and therefore nothing like the stereotype of ‘that man’ drinking cheap cider in the park. I denied all the warning signs. Needless to say, a reality check was heading my way.
I think a 'Check your drinking’ tool at this point in my life would have been very useful. If I'd had the tools to comprehend the repercussions of my drinking earlier, I'm very sure that I would have taken steps to avert what was to come.
The death of a close family member, followed by my being bullied at work, resulted in me being signed off work with acute stress. My GP would later call this a perfect storm. My alcohol consumption increased dramatically to ease the pain I felt. Living alone, I shut out loved ones who were afraid for me. I became physically frail through damage to my liver and lack of food and could barely walk due to breathlessness and a history of collapses.
The complexity and contradictions of my relationship with alcohol were now clear. It had completely consumed me. It had taken over my mind, taken control of my body, mobility, relationships with family and friends and will to live. I hated it – and yet all I wanted was more of it. There are around twelve months that I still have little recollection of which, in the main, I am very grateful for.
Under pressure from my family, friends, and GP, I was referred to Change Grow Live (CGL) in Birmingham, where I finally felt supported, without judgement. Five months later (in March 2016), I entered the detox unit, while barely able to walk unaided.
Prior to CGL treatment, I'd had two alcohol-related visits to hospital. There, I received rude and unsympathetic treatment from staff as I was intoxicated. I remember the doctor on the ward round describing me to a group of student doctors as 'a chronic alcoholic' who was doing little to improve his chances of survival. By contrast, staff at CGL treated me with respect, as someone who should not be defined by their substance use.
I left two weeks later much improved physically, feeling mentally healthier, and grateful for the excellent care - but fearful as to whether I could maintain this abstinence. Fortunately for me, next came CGL’s 12-week post-detox day programme. This helped me understand how my destructive relationship with alcohol had developed, and that I should never risk drinking alcohol again.
It also helped me decide what area of employment I would like to pursue as, later that year, I became a volunteer supporting service users with CGL. And, after gaining more experience with a neighbouring addiction service, I returned as a paid Recovery Coordinator the year after. I have primarily worked with service users with alcohol issues, in a variety of settings. To others, I would say that if alcohol starts to make you feel uneasy or unhappy in any way, or becomes a bit too much of a habit, maybe have a think about how much you're drinking - and why. It's far easier to take action about your drinking before it takes hold and you become dependent upon it. Free, confidential help is at hand.
