If you’re anything like me, you may find that when you stop drinking, you’re left with your thinking and, in turn, a lot of uncomfortable emotions. While alcohol is something many people use to unwind and enjoy in moderation, for others like myself, it became a way to numb out or run from thoughts and feelings. If alcohol was your way of avoiding pain, anger or anxiety, then those early days of becoming alcohol-free can present challenges.
May 2025 |
11 minutes
Issy Hawkins is an Alcohol Change UK Ambassador, actress and sobriety advocate. Issy used alcohol in an attempt to help her deal with anxiety and other uncomfortable emotions. After seeking support for addiction at the age of 21, she’s learned new ways to manage her emotions without alcohol.
“I drank when I felt things - all things. Happy, sad, angry, confused, lost. I got to a place where feeling anything became so uncomfortable, I’d rather numb it than face it.”
Growing up as the eldest child of someone with addiction issues, I decided early on that being ‘strong’ and bottling feelings was an effective and ‘grown up’ way to move through life. What I would learn at age 21 when I entered a rehabilitation facility, was that numbing only kicks the can down the road. At some point, pain will need to find its way to the surface - and rather than a slow release, I found that it presented itself in the form of something that looked more like an explosion.
“Quitting the booze was half the job. The ongoing emotional work is what made up the other half.”
I had to learn to live with and understand my thoughts and my feelings without needing to escape them.
The early days
“Believe it or not, all the emotions I’d spent years trying to outrun - they were still there when I stopped the drinking, despite my hoping that the vodka tonics had evaporated them.”
Not only were they still there but when I gave up alcohol, I felt like I had the emotional maturity and extremity of a toddler. Only I was a 22-year-old, and I hadn’t developed any kind of toolbox to help me self-soothe.
I struggled particularly with anger. It wasn’t until someone told me that: ‘anger is often just hurt that never got a voice’ that I began to stop beating myself up for being what I thought was a ‘broken human’ that didn’t know how to feel in a non-extreme way. That reframe changed a lot.
Sure, if I was an angry toddler, then I may as well embrace the angry inner toddler within me. I imagined speaking to a younger version of myself. The one who learnt to bottle emotions as a survival skill. I’d tell her it was all good, that I had us covered (even though I had absolutely no idea what I was doing). I stopped fighting the feelings and started listening to them. This didn’t mean it wasn’t messy, but I realised that doing any kind of work from a place of self-hatred was going to get me nowhere fast. So, it was a start.
Choosing another coping mechanism
Even now, ten years sober, my brain sometimes says, “You know what would fix this feeling? A drink.” It happens far less than it used to, but when it does, I’ve learnt to recognise it and choose a different path.
“There’s no point judging the thought or the feeling, it’s all about how we choose to act upon it.”
Today, I don’t reach for something to take away the emotion, but I open the toolbox I’ve been building. I talk to someone, go for a walk, breathe, breathe again, meditate, write it down, or just let the explosion occur. Sometimes I eat cake and watch Real Housewives - but I don’t numb the emotion with a drink.
If each time you feel something and you numb it, you’re depriving yourself of one of the best relationships you could ever have: a relationship with yourself.
“How can you truly know who you are if you ignore the things your mind and body are trying to tell you?”
Something I’ve come to understand is that feelings aren’t problems to fix. They’re energy that needs to move through. When we block them, they build and eventually, they find a way out.
So, my question now is always: what will help me release this, safely? Below are some of the tools that have helped me along the way. Some will work for you, some won’t, but it’s all about experimenting and compiling your own arsenal to draw upon.
Issy’s emotional toolbox
Click on the text boxes below to reveal more info on in-the-moment techniques you could try.
Be specific. “I feel overwhelmed and exhausted” is more helpful than “I feel like hell and everything is terrible”. I used to throw all my emotions into one giant mixing pot. Naming them helped me gain clarity and understanding.
Where is the feeling showing up? A racing heart? Tension in your shoulders? A lump in your throat? Get to know what emotions look and feel like for you.
Just 60 seconds of deep breathing can interrupt an emotional spiral where you can feel stuck in unhelpful, catastrophising thought patterns.
Most emotional spirals come from ruminating on the past or thinking the worst about the future. Come back to now to the reality of the situation.
Talk it out, write it down, go for a run - get the emotion moving.
A few journalling prompts
Use the prompts below to help you write your thoughts and feelings down.
- What emotion am I feeling right now? Can I describe it without judgement?
- What might this emotion be trying to tell me? Is it a need unmet, a boundary crossed, or an old wound?
- Where do I feel this in my body? Can I breathe into it without trying to change it?
- Is this feeling about now or something old?
- What patterns or stories are connected to it?
- What did I used to do when I felt this way and what am I doing differently now?
- What would I say to a friend feeling this way?
- Is this feeling forever or just true in this moment?
Therapeutic approaches
Helped me identify and challenge distorted thoughts and emotional reactions/actions that came from them.
Helped me process pain and heal relationships. Many triggers lost their power.
AA, SMART Recovery, other sober people who understand. Being seen and heard helps.
Mindfulness and meditation
Body scans where you think about each part of your body in turn and think about how they feel at this moment, mindful movement, and breathing can all help bring you to the truth of the present moment and aid in release.
Apps like Headspace, Calm, Insight Timer or just free YouTube videos can get you started. Joe Dispenza’s teaching on meditation is fantastic.
Find a technique that settles you e.g. box breathing, 4-7-8, more intense Wim Hof-style or holotropic breathwork.
Mind and body practices
Burns off emotional energy and helps me reset.
Always helps me gain perspective and clarity. Can you try it without music or podcasts? What are you avoiding if this feels uncomfortable?
Helps release tension and reconnect with your body.
I tried Wim Hof’s cold showers. Not for everyone, but worth exploring.
Other tools
Singing, writing, painting, dancing - process emotions in fun ways.
A five-minute call when overwhelmed can shift your mindset and drain some power from the emotion.
List ten things you’re grateful for. Connect to each one. This can open your mind back up.
Books that have helped me along the way
- Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr Joe Dispenza
- The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
- The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod (not directly linked to emotions but a good morning routine cannot be underestimated).
- The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
- The Myth of Normal by Dr Gabor Maté
You can get advice and top tips from Issy on her Instagram and TikTok accounts @issyhawkins_
