“I don’t think I’ll be able to get a babysitter.”
“I’m not feeling too well, to be honest.”
“I don’t really like going out and having a good time, sorry.”
The excuses for not attending events came thicker and faster than a downed Baileys.
May 2025 |
10 minutes
Alcohol Change UK Ambassador, Jay Motty, struggled with his drinking, but after several attempts managed to stop. He shares his experiences and top tips when it comes to taking part in the things you love doing without compromising on your alcohol-free goals.
“The ‘solution’ to the problem of my excessive drinking was not just to avoid drinking but to avoid events and activities where others would be drinking, a foolish and somewhat depressing antidote.”
What good is not drinking if you can’t socialise, or attend football matches or gigs, or christenings, or weddings,or leaving dos, or any of the other countless events that are part and parcel of almost anyone’s healthy social life?
“Simply avoiding them feels like cutting your leg off to fix an ingrowing toenail.”
It took me a long time and some courage (of the non-Dutch kind) to start taking part in events where in the past alcohol had seemed, not just preferable, but almost compulsory.
Watching the game was the first step, which being a Manchester United fan was a difficult one seeing as since I’d stopped drinking, my team had also stopped winning titles and for most weeks even football matches.
At first, I had a nagging voice in the back of mind, like a drunken fan behind the dugout who won’t stop shouting unwanted advice to the manager, telling me it was impossible to go and watch a group of men kicking a ball around a rectangle of grass without being intoxicated.
Imagine my surprise when I found out it was not only possible, but preferable.
“Watching the football and being able to see what was happening, experience it rather than just go through the motions and then remember it afterwards was a welcome change.”
Even when my team had been winning Champions Leagues and the Premier League, I’d missed much of it being in such a stupor that I’d be lying if I said I made the most of the Sir Alex Ferguson era.
Now though, even though my team is far from dominant, I still enjoy going to the game. I often take my own kids, and always go with friends, living the highs and lows together and – and forgive the obvious cliché here which I promised myself I’d avoid – having a lot of laughs along the way. I’m off for a shower as I feel dirty after using such a saccharine sentence.
Right! I’m back and I promise no more Clinton Card-esque schmaltzy nonsense, I’m better than that and I can’t even blame the drink anymore.
It wasn’t just football matches that were now on the list of events I felt able to attend without the obligatory four or five pints followed by a never-ending stream of shorts – and shots.
“Imagine my amazement when I attended gigs by some of my favourite bands and realised they sounded even better without my drunken voice drowning out their lyrics.”
Attending comedy shows was made more enjoyable sans my attempts to beat the comedian to the punchline or even have a conversation with them. Yes, I’m not proud of my previous actions and in my defence, it only happened a few dozen times.
You may have gathered from some of my references to my drunken behaviour that despite my misgivings, my friends were what can only be described as completely and utterly overjoyed that I’d stopped drinking.
“I no longer required babysitting, or taking to the hospital, or the name and number of a good solicitor.”
Imagine my shock to discover I could hold a conversation, be mildly amusing even, sympathetic to my friends when they were sharing their problems instead of just obsessed with ‘Who’s getting the next round?’ or ‘Why don’t we get on the shots?’.
Jay’s top tips for taking part in activities or events without alcohol
- Start small
If you’re trying to watch something you’ve typically associated with drinking in the past, like a football match, without alcohol and struggling, my advice would be to do the little things first. Maybe watch it to start with around someone who isn’t drinking, (and trust me, when you start looking you won’t be short of people who don’t!). The amount of fans who watch the match now without a drink is rapidly increasing and you can always watch it with those who do drink once you feel comfortable and confident enough to do so. - Set yourself a time limit
It’s not easy at first, in fact, it can even be quite scary, but testing the waters by setting a time limit to my first few nights out helped, I’d go out for an hour or so then see how I felt, never pushing myself if things felt uncomfortable. Before long, those hours became entire evenings and the awkwardness subsided, replaced with the near euphoria of realising that spending time with my friends and loved ones whilst sober was actually – whisper it quietly – kind of alright. Eww, I feel dirty again with all this soppiness, apologies. - Get yourself a wingman
Having a ‘wingman’ helped, someone who knew what I was going through and would act almost as a buffer to overkeen inquisitors on why I was no longer drinking and a confidant if I ever did feel a bit uncomfortable. Gladly, those more awkward days at the beginning of not drinking didn’t last long and now it’s second nature to me to attend any event I wish without having to come up with nonsensical excuses. Nowadays, “I can’t get a babysitter” usually means just that.
To hear more from Jay, you can check out the Soberfellas podcast on Instagram and YouTube, or catch Jay across sports coverage on YouTube and other outlets.
