Maggie’s story*: “To the state, companies, advertisers and media who continue to normalise alcohol, I plead for change”

Trigger warning: This blog contains reference to the loss of a loved one.

I wanted to share my story in the hope that it can help others and highlight where I believe the system needs to change.

My husband passed away two years ago and I'm still in disbelief. Damian was an active, fit, hardworking, life‑loving husband and dad, with friends and family that cared for him deeply. But within two years he went from developing symptoms to dying from multi‑organ failure due to decompensated alcohol‑related liver disease. Forever young at the age of 50.

I have since discovered my daughter and I are a force of nature together, but we would much rather have Damian here to enjoy the good times with us.

I want to share how quickly things spiralled. Damian was first and foremost a loving, kind and gentle man. He became an alcoholic* on a subtle path that was heartbreaking to witness.

Damian and I both drank socially, mostly at home with friends and family. When I fell pregnant, I stopped drinking. So at the weekend, Damian had the whole bottle of wine instead of half. When I was on maternity leave with minimal income, it made sense to buy a box of wine instead of a bottle.

And so the gradual increase began – without acknowledgement – moving from drinking at weekends to every evening, while cooking dinner or relaxing in front of the television.

The complete ubiquitous nature of alcohol in our lives, weaving through and shaping our lifestyle, culture, values and traditions in a way that we accept.

When the pandemic struck, drinking started earlier in the day. Looking back, it felt sociable and enjoyable – civilised, grown up and sophisticated – the ‘done thing’, without any real consequences.

Damian was then made redundant due to post‑pandemic cutbacks. He struggled deeply and it took a toll on his mental health. I had never seen him so down or stressed before and tried to get him to see the doctor.

But alcohol was his solution and made him feel ‘normal’. In the company of others, even his own family, he was ‘normal’. Only I could see the problems starting – withdrawing from family life, sleeping more, and finding excuses to buy another box of wine.

Despite flagging my concerns to family, they were innocent to how alcoholism* can present itself, and Damian was able to convince them he was fine. He was even convincing me.

His drinking became a daily need to manage his growing anxiety, trapping him in a vicious circle. He started to buy more alcohol and hide it. He hadn’t yet admitted to me or himself that he was drinking too much.

That changed when he started to feel physically ill, with loss of appetite. His health gradually deteriorated over the next six months, while he tried to show that he was functioning and feeling fine, still trying to be the dad and husband he used to be.

He did try to reduce his intake, dressing it up as a health kick, but it never worked – there was always a work‑around. Without professional support or guidance, we felt completely alone.

After a summer holiday where he spent most of the time unwell in bed, Damian eventually went to the doctor. Months later he was admitted to hospital very ill and warned to “stop drinking or write your will”.

The shock was immense, but Damian couldn’t process the news. We were both at a loss – was he going to die or not? The need for mental health support was not recognised, and there was no offer of palliative care.

He started drinking again soon after discharge, without any follow‑up care. Alcohol had taken hold of his personality and his ability to think straight, though there were still glimmers of the man I loved.

We eventually found and funded a six‑week detox and rehab placement. I felt relief; Damian felt scared, upset and ashamed. With alcohol literally poisoning his brain, he was unable to see it as a positive step forward.

Rehab initially appeared successful, and things were more hopeful for a brief period after his return home. But six weeks was not enough.

What followed were months of hopelessness. We existed without a terminal diagnosis but needed the level of care one demands. Palliative care never came. Damian was drinking and dying at home, with just his wife to care for him.

Shortly before he died, he was diagnosed with ADHD and autism, which helped him understand why he had turned to alcohol.

Damian passed away peacefully but suddenly after contracting flu, which progressed to pneumonia, sepsis and multi‑organ failure. It was two years to the month since he first developed symptoms.

To the state, companies, advertisers and media who continue to normalise alcohol, I plead for change – and at the very least, for meaningful care and support for those affected.

Be honest. Take action. Fight for help. Live your life.

*Pseudonyms used for privacy.

*You can read more about the language used to talk about alcohol harm, including the word ‘alcoholic’, here.